Finding Meaning

So, this is my new blog. I don't consider it a wholly new blog, but rather the next iteration of my previous one, Gratis and Libre. Nevertheless, here's a whole new description of what you'll find here.

Whereas G&L was mostly a place for me to explore academic concepts Finding Meaning will probably tend to have a more general and, at times, abstract focus. As G&L was to my academic exploration, FM will be (I hope) to the exploration of this new stage in my life. Most of the content over at G&L was the result of my experience as an occasionally successful six-year college student. Here at FM, the content will result from my experience as a recent graduate who is still looking for his calling while also focusing on developing my creativity (mostly in writing and sometimes in visual art), which has been hitherto ignored (by myself).

I chose the name "Finding Meaning" for its abstract connotation which, hopefully, will mirror the focus of this blog. It also refers to the impulse that (presumably) all of us have to find meaning in the experiences we have which, I think, is particularly strong, for most, at this stage in their lives. Some things I'd like to write about include analyses of books, songs, musical artists and even more general experiences, thoughts, and feelings I come across day-to-day as well as more personal pieces of creative writing. An example of this would be my last post, which I'll soon import along with selected others, on Gratis and Libre, entitled "Reflections on a Mirror -- 07.09.2010" which was, appropriately, a sort of free-form reflection while looking at a the large mirror I had recently bought for my room. I hope the majority of posts won't be so introspective, but rather will what meaning I find in all these things which are seemingly disconnected.

Really quickly, the url for this blog, threewindowsfacingwest, is a simple reference to my room in the apartment I share which has three windows (all on one wall) which all face west. It just seemed adequately noncommittal. I'll probably write most of my posts here, but whatever.

For now, that description will have to suffice and, hopefully, the theme of this blog will become more clear as I continue to post. Posts may be infrequent as I've never been good about schedules or doing things if I think I "should" do them frequently. This time, I'm just going to be content with the infrequency and we'll see where things go.

Finally, as a way of consecrating this thing, I'll end with a quote from Richard Linklater's film, Waking Life, which I'll probably reference pretty frequently and may even discuss, on its own, at some point. Like the character I'm quoting, I hope that this blog is or becomes "see-worthy" and "an extension of my personality" in the same way as he describes his boat-car.

"'So, what do you think of my little vessel? She's what we call "see-worthy." S-E-E. See with your eyes. I feel like my transport should be an extension of my personality. Voila. And this? This is like my little window to the world, and every minute's a different show. Now, I may not understand it. I may not even necessarily agree with it. But, I'll tell you what, I accept it and just sort of glide along.

You wanna keep things on an even keel, I guess, is what I'm saying. You wanna go with the flow. The sea refuses no river. The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. Saves on introductions and good-byes. The ride does not require an explanation; just

occupants. That's where you guys come in.

It's like you come onto this planet with a crayon box. Now, you may get the 8-pack, you may get the 16-pack, but it's all in what you do with the crayons, the colors, that you're given. And don't worry about drawing within the lines or coloring outside the lines. I say color outside the lines, you know what I mean? Color right off the page! Don't box me in! We're in motion to the ocean. We are not landlocked, I'll tell ya that! So, where do you want out?...'"

-DJP

Reflections on a Mirror -- 07.09.2010

Do you ever see your own reflected image in a mirror and wonder what made the person you see before you? One morning, in early September, such a thought occurred to me. In a new apartment, looking in a new mirror, I came to wonder at the young man in front of me. Dressed in plain clothes very much after the manner of many young men my age: a slightly-too-small v-neck undershirt, distressed jeans, an old sun-faded baseball hat and glasses with thick, black frames. Just yesterday, and yet across a vast gulf of time, it seemed I was wishing for spiky hair in elementary school, or shunning jeans in favor of khaki slacks to set myself apart in high school, or wearing Converse All-Stars day-in and day-out as a reserved freshman in college.

Only 23 years, 9 months and 18 days have I counted and, yet, the history of my life already seems vast and beginning to lose its clarity in the hazy reflection of memory. So many choices, both willful and unintentional, brought me thus along this path. Some decisions which, at their time, seemed unbearably important and over which I spent untold hours weighing, contemplating, and worrying, have now faded into obscurity, near to irrelevance. I would say 'irrelevance' without qualification, if it weren't for the eerily-subtle complexity with which choices affect our lives. Conversely, some judgments and decisions which, at the time, I paid no more heed than the choice of "soup or salad?" have altogether ruled my intervening years and continue to dominate my actions.

In my current, reflective state-of-mind, I feel overwhelmed by a dual feeling of helplessness and terrifying freedom. The feeling of helplessness, to my mind, comes from the seemingly-impossible task of discerning what choices will lead me to the life I desire to live and which choices will never again trouble my mind, either in reflection or in memory. Freedom, it seems, comes from the vast possibilities that lay before me, even if I cannot know for certain that my decisions will lead me to those that I prefer.

Truly, my first 23 years, 9 months and 18 days have been very formative but, with any luck, my life is less than one-third over. I am at but the mid-morning of my years; sometimes feeling as though I am just arriving to have brunch with this person I've become after a lazy morning of sleeping-in and, at other times, feeling very hungry and ready for lunch after rising to an early breakfast and a morning full of toil.

Almost, I am paralyzed with despair at the seeming-futility of decision and indecision. What strange mysteries and surprises, joys and sorrows, await me in the early afternoon? The evening? At dusk? Or in the nighttime? Words written by Tolkien come to mind: "'How shall a man judge what to do in such times?'" So said Éomer to Aragorn in Book Three of The Lord of the Rings. The answer: "'As he ever has judged,' said Aragorn. 'Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear, nor are they one thing among Elves and Dwarves and another among Men. It is a man's part to discern them, as much in the Golden Wood as in his own house.'"

To this, a small part of myself responds; perhaps, that part of every person that drives them forth. That small part seems nourished and renewed by the endless possibilities, and even by the blindness with which I make every decision. Although an illusion Free Will may be, I still desire and struggle to be the master of my own destiny. I think everyone does, in his or her own ways.

Finally, I'll end with words from Richard Linklater's film entitled Waking Life. Words which I seem to carry with me wherever I go.

"The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness. And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. It bursts into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit. To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence."

Album Review: Man on the Moon: The End of Day

As I said way back when I "reviewed" the Mos Def concert I attended, I'm not sure if this will be a permanent fixture of Gratis & Libre. The major problem is that I have very little motivation to review things I don't like. Anyway...

After acquiring my third song from Kid Cudi's debut album, Man on the Moon: The End of Day, I finally broke down and got the whole thing this morning. Having listened to all of it, I gave my recommendation to my roommate with the description that Kid Cudi comes across as being somewhere between Mos Def and Kanye West. He has the same talent that Mos Def displays to briefly describe feelings and situations in a way which makes you say "I know exactly what he means/feels" as well as a tendency to reference hip hop and it's roots in R&B. His beats and musical quality are similar to Kanye West's, but toned down considerably to match his very introspective lyrics. Speaking personally, as one who is (I think) one of many people who like Kanye but wish he would tone it down or show some more range, I found this to be very pleasing. Add a dash of Daft Punk's spacey quality into the backing tracks and you have Kid Cudi's sound.

The album, which presents itself as sort of opera or Dark Side of the Moon-esque concept album, is "about" Cudi's struggle to find, maintain, and channel his creativity. As a man who admits to enjoy spending time alone (often referring to himself as Mr. Solo Dolo, a term which carries a special connotation to him), he finds his creativity in these moments and struggles to find them amidst his busy life. The story arch of the album, if it really has one, follows his realization of this fact and his eventual acceptance, with rapper Common providing spoken-word style narrative following some of the tracks.

As an interesting side note, I think it's pretty unique for an artist (especially in hip hop) to release an album which, essentially, celebrates being an introvert. It's almost in direct opposition to the mainstream hip hop culture and definitely challenges some cultural ideas about introversion. In our culture, behavior like spending a Friday night inside reading is met with considerable incredulity (e.g., make sure to read the mouse-over text)

Finally, this album shows considerable range as well as interest in different musical forms and beats. From the deep and introspective (Soundtrack 2 My Life, Solo Dolo, Sky Might Fall) to the bouncy and fun (Make Her Say) to the sweet and sensual (Enter Galactic) to the joyous and inspiring (Heart of a Lion, Alive, Pursuit of Happiness) and everything in between. The ups and downs of this album all fit into the same theme.

Needless to say, I really like this album, but is it for you? I'm not sure, but if you like Mos Def but would be into something that speaks more to internal struggle than interpersonal strife, you'll probably like it. If you like Kanye but, like me, would like to see him be less self-centered and superficial, you'll probably like it. If you like Daft Punk but sometimes wish they had less abstract lyrics, you'll probably like it. Finally, if you just like a nice, smooth, thoughtful album which you can listen to straight through, hear some interesting ideas and keep your toe tapping the whole time, then I think you'll love it.

Happy listening and, as always, Share & Enjoy!

George Will and His Fashion Crusade

My friend and divining rod for everything that pisses me off, Warren, posted this link on Facebook last week. Unsurprisingly, I couldn't wait until all my weekly obligations were fulfilled to write about it here so, naturally, I put it off for a week. I'll try to restrain myself, but...


My initial reaction was to start with a cleverly subtle critique like "George Will is an asshole." However, when I forced myself to really reflect on why this article frustrated me so, I realized that the most irritating thing is to wonder how George Will manages to get paid (by a highly respected national newspaper, no less) to write this piece of crap which, although largely opinion, is based on some very basic fallacies.

His main and most general point is that wearing jeans all the time is wrong because they are either misappropriated or childish. This means that, in George F. Will's mind, there is some essential immutable quality that jeans possess that ascribes a certain meaning to their wearers. Why don't senators wear togas, because I feel that that is the most appropriate attire for democratic debate. You see, the roles people occupy in society are reflected by the clothes they wear, but those roles and the rules of fashion which signify them change all the time.

Then, the whole "don't blame Levi Strauss" craziness started. To George Will, there's something wrong with hippies and cubicle-workers wearing jeans (Fridays only for the cubicle slaves) when they were originally invented for burly frontiersmen who were panning for gold. Again, the togas thing. Original function means nothing, especially since his argument is about fashion, not utility.

And another thing...I take some offense at the implication that video games and cartoons are inherently childish. Just because most of the examples of video games and cartoons from the past are just for fun and are geared towards younger people doesn't mean that there's anything inherently "childish" about the medium itself. Also, neither of these things make something childish. Why, when something is just for fun, must it be childish? I will not feel bad when I am still playing video games at 50, because they're fun. I like to have fun. Doesn't George Will?

Guys and Gals

This musing relates, in some ways, to what I blathered on about on Monday. Similarly, it's something I've thought of several times in the past. It probably first occurred to me during a discussion of gender neutral language. There seem to be people out there, like the people who won't tolerate split infinitives, who aren't creative enough to write without the use of gendered pronouns. It really isn't that hard, but that isn't really what this post is about.

What it is about is my general frustration at a specific short-coming of our language. Perhaps a more visual representation will be illustrative:

Male.......................Female
Boy..........................Girl
Man.........................Woman
Martian...................Venusian
Guy..........................???

Now, I'm fine with referring to a mix-gendered group with a casual "Hey, guys." It may not be the greatest thing to happen to gender relations, but it isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. What frustrates me is when I'm referring to a specific female whom the person I'm talking to doesn't know. For instance, "Yesterday, I saw this ??? I know in the Commons." The two ways to fill the blank ('girl' or 'woman') both seem inappropriate.

I think the general fall-back is 'girl', but in this day and age, it seems a little demeaning to call one of my female peers a 'girl' especially when I would never refer to a male friend as a 'boy'. However, 'woman' usually connotes an older woman, or at least one who is more mature relative to the speaker. Basically, they are analogues to 'boy' and 'man' and the problem is that there is no female analogue to 'guy'. The true analogue to 'guy' is 'gal' but somehow I just can't bring myself to call my female friends 'gals'.

Any and all suggestions or made up words which would obviate this problem are welcome. For now, I may have to stick to "female contemporary of approximately equal social standing."